I've been working through a lot lately. Dealing with myself, picking up and moving forward. It's funny how God works. His timing and plans, the people he brings into your life and the people he takes you away from.
We've been living in Tucson for three years now. It's been a struggle for me through and through and I've never really been able to shake it or let it go. I've never really been able to pinpoint why either. I've just struggled. I've felt at times that I was drowning and I felt at times on top of the world. I've felt lonely and depressed and felt like there was hope on the horizon and friends were starting to enter our lives.
A few weeks ago I finally broke. I gave in and decided that I needed help, not something I'm used to asking for.
Through some much needed counsel I feel released. I feel like God is working in me every moment of every day. I know now that he's never left my side. That he's always been there with me, orchestrating my every move and I fought it with all that I had. I allowed my mind to be open to lies and insecurity, to fear. Fear of what? Honestly everything. Why? I don't really know. You wonder why people are so insecure about things? I wonder why I was so afraid to open up and let people know who I really am. I'm fun and sweet and caring and loving. I have so much to offer and it doesn't matter what I look like or the things that I have.
I know that I will always struggle with these things, who doesn't? But I realized this Sunday morning as I was at the altar that with God it will slowly become easier to deal with. I'll have to always be at the altar on my knees asking God for help. I'll have to lay down my fears and insecurity at his feet every morning but that's okay. That's what God is asking me to do. He's asking to take my burdens and he's reminding me every moment that he's with me.